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Top Ten Spells That Never Made It
1. Berman's Death-to-the-Caster.
2. Power word, fart.
3. Gelatinous Shell (immediately surrounds the caster in a gelatinous cube).
4. Safe fall (like feather fall, but makes you weigh as much as a 12 ton bank vault).
5. Polymorph Udder (a highly specialized spell which only affects female cattle).
6. Stinking Klaus (summons a fat, smelly German business man, who chases your enemies while eating an Oktoberfest sausage and belching).
7. Magnetskin (a variation of stoneskin - makes the caster's skin magnetic, giving all metallic weapons a +10 bonus to hit).
8. Meatier Swarm (large chunks of ground chuck rain to the ground).
9. Polymorph any Omelet.
10. Fireballs (sets the target's testicles on fire - very effective, but a bit too kinky for TSR).