Top Ten Spells That Never Made It

1. Berman's Death-to-the-Caster.

2. Power word, fart.

3. Gelatinous Shell (immediately surrounds the caster in a gelatinous cube).

4. Safe fall (like feather fall, but makes you weigh as much as a 12 ton bank vault).

5. Polymorph Udder (a highly specialized spell which only affects female cattle).

6. Stinking Klaus (summons a fat, smelly German business man, who chases your enemies while eating an Oktoberfest sausage and belching).

7. Magnetskin (a variation of stoneskin - makes the caster's skin magnetic, giving all metallic weapons a +10 bonus to hit).

8. Meatier Swarm (large chunks of ground chuck rain to the ground).

9. Polymorph any Omelet.

10. Fireballs (sets the target's testicles on fire - very effective, but a bit too kinky for TSR).