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Dungeons & Dragons - PlanetADnD.com

101 Spells that Never Made TSR Rulebooks

101 Spells that Never Made TSR Rulebooks

1. Change Sexual Orientation- uh what does this have to do with bisexuals?

2. Mordenkainen's Lubrication- it lubricates a 12x3 in. area

3. God Mode- makes u invincible for 12d20 hours

4. Determine Sexual Orientation- TSR didn't feel it moved the story along and said you should just ask real nicely

5. BORGageddon - This is PlanetADnD's specialty. Resistance is futile!

6. Mordenkainen's Faithful Bitch- could be considered too offensive and is more firepower for them D&D creates Satanism whackos

7. Explode Limb- well, the playtesters just took this one too far

8. Implode Limb- the descriptions for this one... were even worse

9. Kill Cole- automatically kills Faloth the Unholy, Cole paid them to have it removed

10. Roll Natural 20- cheap, cheap, cheap sings the birdy

11. Small Growth Spurt- grows any area that is12x3 in. or smaller

12. Summon Liches Guild- yeah… right!

13. Create Hope- DM's didn't want their players to think they'd survive

14. Kill Small Fluffy Bunny in Cinematic Campaign- animals don't die in movies silly!

15. Clone Self- takes away the meaning of self-sacrafice

16. Death Spell- killing anything just doesn't make the game fun…. Here comes the 25 level lich, *poof* he's dead

17. Nuke Planet- yep, that just about does it… If I'm gonna die, I'm taking you all with me!

18. Increase Level- this tends to make the game boring really quick

19. Shoot the Moon- step away from the 'Hearts' game and remember, you are role-playing

20. Nuke 3rd World Country- too many people hit Iraq at once and ended up killing each other {and as Iraq gets more irate, we really know nothing about them and no one cares}

21. Car Horn- Keep honking, I'm reloading

22. Summon Random Deity- you'd be surprised what happens when you randomly summon the god of chaos and bloodshed

23. Dodge Dragon Eating- tends to interfere with the 'A Dragon Eats You!' DM tactic

24. Tease Borglett - PlanetADND decided to change this slot into Tease Borglett, paying homage to our bard Matt (Darkdream). Although the spell is commonly refered to as " Hurry up for christ sake".

25. Destroy Everything- I think this was voted out way back in D&D 1st Edition, but it's a classic

26. Win Gary Gygax's Money- they couldn't decide on a gold point value high enough

27. Summon Elminster and Mordenkainen- once again there is too much power in the room

28. Change Gender- why do you need a spell when businesses are starting to pay employees to have it surgically done?

29. Gender Bender- just like a D&D politician to try and change the name to sneak it through the system

30. Summon Ultimate Rulebook- gave too much power to rule lawyers

31. Summon Rule Lawyer- took away too much of the DM's power

32. Summon Tour Bus- this would be good, but we can't summon gas, it's too expensive

33. Force- can't have the force with no Yoda

34. Homing Fireball on Witch- it helps those crazy persecute the Satanist whackos that persecute fellow Christians and burn lotsa witches

35. Write a Netbook about Witches and Warlocks- been done

36. Pause World- makes combat and other "odd" acts too easy

37. Bard Gets Chick- us bards don't need a spell for that, cuz we're bards and we always get the chicks, and there is nothing you can do about it!

38. Summon Coca Cola- it was taken out when hunters started using it as bait for polar bears and seals

39. Summon Mountain Dew- inspires too many bards to sing "Fly by night mountain dew- Mountain Dew for you!" And could possibly hold the key to eliminating the necessity for sleep, and all DM's want their players to sleep so things can be stolen at night…

40. Fatality- wrong game buds, stick with your Mortal Kombat if that's what you want!

41. Brutality- >.< what'd I just say!!!!

42. Summon KFC- apparently not everyone needs a little KFC

43. Never the First to Die- couldn't have this one because no one would ever die; plus whenever a n00b player dies they always yell "Why am I always the first to die?!" And then you remind them that they're level 1 and everyone else is level 9, or that Ben, the halfling wannabe died before them anyway.

44. Answer Riddle- takes all the fun out of inserting 45 different sphinxes around a dungeon

45. Conjure Lightbulb- Thomas Edison wouldn't like that very much

46. Summon a Witch and a Warlock- that's right up there on my list with summoning gay male wenches, let alone playing one

47. Flawless Victory- {Yes another MK reference} this is something a self-respecting DM should never allow

48. Flaming Bong- scary spell cuz it tends to arouse dwarves

49. Discover Vastonian Secrets- we don't want it to get out that the healing grass that the gnome makes and people smoke is really pot

50. Rip Off Limb and Beat Them With It- we wouldn't want to take away the fun of doing this manually

51. Memorize Spell, Spell- it kinda defeats itself doesn't it?

52. Summon Small 3-legged Dog- WHY?!

53. Summon NWN- WoTC wouldn't let us get away with it, and if you don't know what NWN is, get out now!

54. Spank the Monkey - lets leave this one up to your imagination. "Monkey's are known to get quite angry when spanked "

55. Summon Dirty Wench - Know why would anyone want a wench covered in dirt?

56. Fireballz- well, this was originally meant to concentrate fire on a small spot, but since no one would admit to that it was thrown out

57. Fart- uh yeah, you know what this does

58. Create Sewer- the nobles didn't want good plumbing for their subjects

59. Remove Clothes- it's so much more fun to do it by hand says Gary

60. Resist Arrousal- why would you want to?

61. Silence 1 Inch Radius- wasn't effective enough to get those big mouthed kids to shut up so instead 4 in. radius was chosen

62. Speak with Self- we do this anyway…

63. Summon Areatha Franklin- tends to offend those new age rap role-players

64. Exercise- I'm not leaving this chair.

65. Conjure Jet-pack- we don't need dark age reenactments of the Rocketeer

66. Stone Mute- well, how else do we get the rocks to shut-up?!

67. Find My Way Home- show me a role-player who doesn't know his/her way home, and I'll how you a guy who doesn't know the rules

68. Leaf Skin- doesn't make me to horny… that was apparently how TSR felt as well

69. Warp Woody- this is just one of those, we're on #69 jokes

70. Repel Insects- you know that spray on stuff never works!

71. Conjure Monstrous Vermin Mousetrap- Hell yeah! I need some of those!

72. Wall of Air- it does serve a purpose, we just don't know what

73. Fix Carburetor- oh yeah, like you have a car!

74. Finger of Pointing- would be good, but we all brought laser pointers and it's just one finger anyway

75. Charm Bug- come here you little ladybug wench, come to papa!

76. 4 Seconds of Undetectable Invisibility- I hope you can see that this was a good spell, they just threw it out because it was my idea! :*(

77. Ultimate Dictatorship- influences too much Nazi-ism in the game

78. Bigby's Amazing Hands- I had no control over it, I swear!

79. Leomund's Secret Chest Hair- grows chest hair like fertilizer

80. Bigby's Playful Hands- well, they threw it out, but that doesn't mean I don't use it… besides I'm Trojan Man!

81. Part Red Sea- good idea, but then we realized there wasn't a red sea in Forgotten Realms

82. Delayed Cannonball Blast- just gives you another minute to gloat before you nail `em

83. Reverse Wish- I take it back, I take it back!

84. Enhance AC- why? I'm a halfling monk in AD&D 2nd Ed.

85. Put out Flaming Arse- Run, find water fast, and dunk

86. Summon DM- can you say imminent DOOM!

87. Hit NPC- Lord knows the DM's characters never take any damage

88. Cook Easy Mac- Cleric Spell!

89. Steal Best Friend's Girlfriend- if you don't know what I mean you have never watched an episode of "Friends" or seen "Pearl Harbor"

90. Broken Hands- note, this is to break YOUR OWN hands

91. Summon Fuzzy Pussie- you know you want a fuzzy pussie

92. Summon Fuzzy Beaver- you know you want a fuzzy beaver

93. Summon Fuzzy Penguin- you know… aww forget it!

94. Summon 1 Legged Horse- Hi-ho Silver away!

95. Faloth's Instant Castration- he just had to have this one… And if you don't know what it means, go ask your parents!

96. Summon Sword of Ultimate Destruction- I think we've been down this road before

97. Summon the Last Super- we will never let batman die!

98. Summon Mass Monsters- basically what happens when a Necromancer finally learns resurrect monster

99. Revert DM's Decision- wonder why this one didn't work out… ^_^

100. Avoid Confrontation- hey, what I've been trying to do all my life

101. Remake Realm- See all of the above… everybody needs a little KFC! *Kentucky Fried Chicken for u peeps that don't know*

 
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