--Your subscription copy of Dragon
shows up in the mail one month, and you realize it's the
hundredth consecutive issue you've bought. (In my case, it was
--You own consecutive issues
farther back than that.
--You've read every issue from 55
--You're still looking for the
--You've almost hit this point
--You remember when White Dwarf
was an AD&D magazine.
--You bought a copy of the
French-language edition of Dragon, even though you can't read
French, because it had Second Edition rules for the Anti-Paladin
class, and even though you don't like the class, you know that
having that issue will really annoy the Anti-Paladin fans in your
And for a completely non-magazine
Game dealers at Gencon recognize
you and know your name, even though it's your first time at
"It's participant observation. Honest!"
* You collect things shaped liked
dice or with dice in them (drink stirrers, pens with
dice-in-water in the end, brass dice sets, dice bookends...)
* You still have a set of
dice-shaped cushions made as a gesture of understanding by your
* When you finally settle down
with a loved one and build a home, you insist on designing a
Gaming Room into the house
* And getting the stamped concrete
patio/pergola/driveway done in hexagons
* You own "Intoduction to
* Or the Traveller Supplement
"Forms and Charts"
* You know which number Supplement
that last one was
* You know which Sci-Fi novel
series was the inspiration for Traveller's Imperium
* You don't just have maps of
places that don't exist - you've had at least one of them made
into a Globe
* You collect building plans
(viewed from above) to use as Site Maps for games
* You have examples of weapons
from your games in the house - "so the players can't argue
about how heavy/long/clumsy/etc they are..."
* (For the [mostly] male gamers)
You meet couples through your spouse/partner and form only a
casual acquaintance with the half of the pair of the same gender
as yourself - until one day, after months/years of having known
them, one of you drops some gaming reference like "looks
like a kobold" or "don't mind me - I've got a 12-point
hide" (the more obscure the better) - and suddenly you're
best of mates, and they seem to have value as a person now
* While you have a number of
friends, only Gamers reach the status of Mates
* You buy CDs of specific music
(or sounds) just to use as background atmosphere for gaming
* You've ever found yourself
associating with people who you'd otherwise avoid in public -
because they were Gamers
* You have a place where the
paraphernalia of your gaming youth is displayed for the curious
as a sort of shrine to "the good old days"
* You have three or more
dice-boxes (one in use, the others retired, holding seldom-used
(or antique, faithful) dice, or doing duty on the Gaming Shrine
* You can remember where at least
three Gaming shops USED to be located in your town/city, before
they moved, were demolished or disappeared
* You whoop with joy on rolling a
20 for hit location with a Gauss Rifle on your first hit on an
* You know which game that must be
* You know the TWO meanings of the
* You keep custom clipboards (or
similar contrivances) in the house for your gaming pals to keep
their character sheets on when they come over
* Your memories of the best times
your character(s) had when living their game-lives are sweeter
and more worth retelling than the best times you had in your
actual youth (partially because you were too busy gaming - and
writing rules expansions you hardly used - to get out and have a
* You've ever written to a game
* They replied!
* You've phoned a game designer to
chat about a game of theirs and where it's going
* It's a game they haven't even
* From your computer, where you
are now, you can look around and see most or all of your gaming
* You own a pin-on badge that says
"Incoming Fire Has The Right Of Way"
* You still have the original
three-booklet set of Traveller
* AND the box it came in
* OR the booklet-form of D&D
(before the hardbound version hit the streets)
* You feel that Gaming has played
a part in your developing a personal philosophy
* Your life-philosophy manifests
as your taking Gaming seriously while taking most of the rest of
life light-heartedly - the complete opposite to the way most of
society seems to work
* Your spouse/partner agrees with
the rest of society and wishes you would take life as seriously
as you do Gaming
* You have a feeling that God is a
big Gamemaster, we're all just Characters, and Life, viewed from
the outside, is a Game after all
From: "James H.
- You've submitted to this list.
- And got your submission
- You get $30.00 in a surprise
windfall, and don't drink it, but instead spend it on that
supplement that you noted was at the local store.
- If you purposely stashed the
supplement behind/near/out of its normal place so that nobody
else buys it out from under you.
- You've moved the above back to
your special hiding spot after store personnel reshelve it.
- You've thought about designing a
game, and actually wrote more than 20 or so pages.
- and self-published it!
- All of oyur friends say,
"You should start a game company."
- You do, and they end up working
for you, until they leave to start their own.
- You find yourself teaching new
players the ropes so often, you now have a down-pat speech,
readily translatable to any game system for newcomers.
- You have no non-gamer friends,
or you limit contact with such people.
- When describing a game scenario
with your pals, you get real excited, waving your arms, drawing a
crowd. Phrases like, "Man, we %^&*$%^ wasted 'em! Took
out the tank with an RPG, then L-T was rocking out on the
'60..." everything goes fine, as the crowd draws near,
wanting to hear more, until you say, "Then I took a round,
BLAM! 45 H.P." And the crowd leaves, saying, "Oh, it
was ONLY A GAME."
- You get mad, BECAUSE YOU WERE
- You don't think anything is
wrong with the previous statement.
- You use issues of Guns &
Ammo for the tech specs on your latest weapon supplement you're
adding to your game.
- You know the BattleTech Hit
location charts from memory, so that you don't need to use 'em
- In fact, you know 'em so well,
THE GROUP doesn't use 'em any more, THEY USE YOU.
- When someone asks you,
"Level Three fall, what's the piloting skill mod?", you
know what they mean.
- You, reading this, know what it
- You not only know what it means,
but can yell out what page it is on.
- And you're correct!
- And you get mad when somebody
checks up on you, to see if it was the right page!
- When you search the internet
nightly for cool gaming software for your PC.
- and you found this list by doing
that! (Like I did.)
- and you add to this list, to
keep the spirit of gaming alive! (Like I did!)
- You've learned more about space,
and science fiction from playing traveller, rather than watching
COSMOS by Carl Sagan, like everybody else.
- You're in the military, and the
best tactics you've got came from your pre-military gaming days
(or they improve daily, in continuing nightly sessions at the
- You know more military tactics
and strategy than most officers at your military post.
- ...Than ALL of the officers at
your local military post.
- You know more than three
definitions of the acronym RPG.
- You were around when SPI was.
- You KNOW what SPI was.
- You still have some of their
- You know what AH stands for, and
have copies of any of the following: U-BOAT, MIDWAY, GETTYSBURG.
- ... and they're less than 10
years older than you are.
- You were around when the only
games out were CHAINMAIL, METAMORPHOSIS ALPHA, GAMMA WORLD 1st
ed., and TRAVELLER.
- and you bought 'em, cause they
were "What the cool grown-up college kids were
- And you still have 'em.
- IN THE ORIGINAL BOXES!
- You remained loyal thorough the
right-wing religious anti-gaming crusade.
- You know what to say
(delicately, without sloppy missionary fervor) when someone says,
"Oh, you don't play that "Dungeoens & Dragons
thing, DO YOU?!?!?!?!
- You know the real tragic truth
about Dallas Egbert.
- ...and you learned it by reading
the book on it, "The Dungeon Master." (Required
reading, IMHO, for all DM's, and players, BTW.)
- You'd rather game that visit
- ...That's how you met them.
- And then got married. (It didn't
work for me. Your mileage may differ.)
- And got divorced, OVER GAMES!
(Like me. She was fantasy, I was Sci Fi/Military.)
- You see a car crash, or accident
on T.V., and scream, "Oooh, CRIT!"
- You've said, "Roll
initiative" more times than you've sung your countries'
- You tried gaming outside, for
that "Natural, Woodland Atmosphere." Ahhh.
- Until you found out the hard way
about the ^&#%^&* WIND, when it blew all of your
maps/character sheets away.
- ...and you felt that they were
so irreplaceable, you chased after them, tripped on a root, fell,
and split open your knee.
- ... while your friends were
yelling stuff like, "Cleric, bind wounds! Cure Light!
- and you thought it was so funny
you peed all over yourself laughing.
- You're STILL reading this list!
- You're REALLY thinking of adding
to this list, now.
- You've actually played a
halfling, but kept telling everybody you were a
- You read the issue of Phil &
Dixie, about, "Hey, the phone is
- and you thought it was funny.
- And you know what I'm writing
- and you're remembering it now,
and how funny it was.
- You realize that this list is a
common bond, among all gamers, of all races, in all countries,
and that the Internet is just amazing, and that now, games will
only get even better.
- And you're looking forward to
that. (poignant, emotional sniff.)
Date: Sun, 11 May 1997 17:41:35
-0500 (CDT) From: Mellissa Wright To:
email@example.com Subject: You might be a gamer if . .
You might be a gamer if . . .
. . . You think that that the
D&D progression is Basic, Expert, Advanced.
Milk & Cookies, ---> Irish a.k.a. Mellissa Wright
From firstname.lastname@example.org Fri
Jul 11 09:27:46 1997 Date: Fri, 11 Jul 1997 00:15:54 -0700
From: Williams To: email@example.com Subject: you might be a
...after your GM sort of explains
what thet monster looks like you know your exact roll needed to
hit and how much damage it can take
...you know how to roll the dice
to get any number you want
...you don't need any gaming books
because you have every detail memorized
...but you always keep two copies
handy just in case
...you keep up with your
character's kingdom's politics more carefully than your own
...you scream in pain whenever
your character takes damage
...you know all the exact somatic
and verbal components of you wizard's spells
...you keep a copy of your
character in your wallet
...your GM thinks you live in his
...your GM thinks your married to
...your characer has killed more
than one Tarrasque
...you get your friends and your
character's friends mixed up
...after a fistfight you search
whoever you knocked out
...you've ever played your defiler
in the Tank Girl R.P.G.
...you've ever played the Tank
...you were highly offended by
that last comment
...you've played The Wizard's
Challenge more than once
...you created a random die
generator in DOS using BASIC commands
...any of your characters has ever
broken a staff of power or a staff of the magi for a retributive
...you changed your name so that
your initials read R.P.G.
...you ever started a character as
...you missed the O.J. Simpson
trial because you were on this really long adventure
...one of your wizards has ever
roasted another person's characer with a fireball, then
commented, "Hey, he was a dwarf. He didn't need that extra
constitution point anyway
...you've ever had a character
named Rath or Delsenora
...you've ever played as the
player and the GM because noone was around to play with
...you own the Japaneese version
of any of the Final Fantasy series
...you read the entire
Encyclopedia Magica set
...you know what a claymore is and
what it looks like
...your characer has created more
spells than TSR
...you have the BATTLESYSTEM rules
...you have the BATTLESYSTEM rules
...you have the SPELLJAMMER rules
...you have the SPELLJAMMER rules
...you have the Players Option
...you have had more than one
...you wonder why I didn't just
write: you have the Players Options rules
...you understand the Rift
alignment rules and actually use them
complements of Chas Williams
From: Trevor Salyzyn
You might be a gamer if...
...you've named EVERY one of your
...you remember all their names.
...you realized that there ain't
that many names in the world.
...when people talk about AC
Adaptors, you misinterpret the meaning.
...It need to budget your money in
...The constant squinting and
reading during gaming sessions has made you permanantely
You might be a gamer if...
You've ever spent more time in a
single gaming session than a Jerry Lewis Marathon.
You do this regularly.
You've ever taught your children
to read using your game books.
Your collection of gaming books
are worth more to you than your car.
Your Firstborn child
Your learned about sex during your
You see every monster or person in
every movie you see and think of it in game terms.
You've screamed at the TV
"Hey, He can't do that, he didn't have the right material
You've ever had your character
create bateries for the Laser pistol in the Robe of Useless Items
If you refuse to be assimilated by
Wizards of the Coast, but might be a real gamer!!!!