Presented for everyone's review.  A serious thief kit with the 
potential for a bit of comic relief.  ;-)

Jim Gitzlaff  /  gitzlaff@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu

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New Thief Kit

"The Clod"

DESCRIPTION:  Members of this kit are not part of a "group" in any 
normal sense.  Some individuals are unusually strong and stupid.  
They blunder around life, taking things when they need them.  Their 
thief abilities are significantly modified in form, though not in 
result.  This character is a sort of "duh, gee George, sure I canna 
open da puny little box for ya" type.  They are invariably large and 
overweight for their race.  

ABILITY REQUIREMENTS:  Strength must be at least 15, Dexterity must 
be no GREATER than 16, and both Intelligence and Wisdom must be less 
than 11.  Members of this kit are permitted extraordinary strength up 
to 18/50 (roll d%; on a 01-50, STR = 18; on a 51-00, STR = 18/01-50).

ROLE:  See description.  Imagine a cross between the Abominable 
Snowman from the old Warner Brothers Bugs Bunny/Daffy duck cartoon 
and the classic thief.

WEAPON PROFICIENCIES:  These thieves can use any inelegant weapon.  
Mostly this means clubs, saps, punching, wrestling, axes, etc.  No 
rapiers, bows, martial arts, etc.  They may specialize in punching 
and wrestling (only).

NONWEAPON PROFICIENCIES:  The whole point of this kit is rather 
antithetical to being highly skilled.  No bonus or required 
proficiencies.  All proficiencies for which Intelligence is the 
relevant ability cost an ADDED penalty of one slot.

MODIFICATION TO THIEF ABILITIES:  Members of this kit lose some 
abilities outright, gain a few in exchange, and have the rest altered 
noticeably.  They lose the ability to Find Traps, Move Silently, Hide 
in Shadows, Detect Noise, Climb Walls, and Read Languages totally.  
The following abilities are changed:
     PICK POCKETS:  This ability is no longer the sly purloining of 
       coins or pouches from an unknowing victim.  Instead, it 
       represents an irresistible "grabbing" of the object.  Its 
       chance of success is the same as for the normal ability, but 
       there are some differences.  First, whether successful or not 
       the attempt is totally obvious.  Unless dead, the target will 
       notice.  If the thief tries to "pick" a pouch hanging from the 
       victim's belt, success means that the whole pouch was ripped 
       off, the attaching thongs torn.  If the thief tries for 
       something in a pocket, he shoves a big meaty hand inside and 
       grabs everything he can, most likely tearing the pocket off in 
       the bargain.  Ability modifiers:  (STR, not DEX, applies)
           STR SCORE:     MODIFIER:    RACE:      MODIFIER:
              15             0         Human         0
              16             0         Gnome         -5%
              17             +5%       Halfling      -5%
              18             +10%      Dwarf         0
              18/01-50       +15%
       If the victim is holding the item to be "picked," the
       following modifiers apply:  Strength of opponent = same 
       penalty as the thief would get as a bonus, above; Held with 
       two hands = -15%.  If the held object is a weapon, the victim 
       gets a free attack against the thief.  If that attack hits, 
       the "pick" attempt automatically fails.
     OPEN LOCKS:  This skill is simply the opening of locked objects 
       through the creative use of force.  Special tools are normally 
       required to open locks effectively.  Members of this kit don't 
       use any of those wimpy-ass girlie-tools that normal thieves 
       do, though.  Crowbars, sledgehammers, big rocks, and spiked 
       clubs are frequently used.  This method has advantages and 
       disadvantages over the normal method.  Normal traps like 
       poisoned needles in locks and contact poison just don't do 
       anything to the thief, obviously.  Moreover, an attempt takes 
       a mere round (spent smashing, prying, and gouging the 
       offending closure).  The problem is that most objects are too, 
       er, delicate to handle this sort of treatment.  Generally, if 
       the DM thinks the locked object (or its contents, if a chest 
       or box) is liable to be broken by the mistreatment of the 
       lock, s/he should have it save versus the blow.  Strong items 
       like solid steel doors need not save at all.  Large chests and 
       strong wood doors might save vs. normal blow, perhaps at a 
       bonus.  Ivory coffers and crystal boxes would need to save vs. 
       crushing blow at a penalty.  Noise is also a drawback of this 
       method.  Ability modifiers (relevant ability is STR):
           STR SCORE:     MODIFIER:    RACE:      MODIFIER:
              15             0         Human         0
              16             +5%       Gnome         0
              17             +10%      Halfling      0
              18             +15%      Dwarf         +5%
              18/01-50       +20%
       With normal lock picking, the DM can assign bonuses or 
       penalties depending on the quality of the lock.  The same may 
       be done here.  The thief may try again to open a lock on a 
       later round (if the noise doesn't attract someone before then, 
       or the punishment break the closure outright, making it moot) 
       at a cumulative penalty of -10% per round.  (The damage tends 
       to jam & fuse the lock in place.)
     REMOVE TRAPS:  Not dissimilar to Open Locks.  These thieves 
       couldn't FIND a trap on their own if their life depended on 
       it.  But if a friend points one out, the thief can "remove" it 
       quite effectively.  The technique is essentially that of 
       catastrophically setting it off.  As above, a few "tools" are 
       needed.  If the roll is successful, the thief sets the trap 
       off, causing it to fail/jam/whatever.  The thief NEVER takes 
       damage from the trap if his roll is successful; if damage 
       would normally be unavoidable, the result for the thief should 
       be mostly cosmetic (e.g. if a fireball is set off in the room, 
       the thief should lose one to three hit points and have his 
       face and body comically blackened).  Other party members need 
       by no means get off this easily.  If they happen to be 
       standing in the wrong place when the trap is set off, too bad 
       for them.  This skill applies both for mechanical and magical 
       traps, though magical traps cause a -10% penalty to the roll.  
       There are no ability modifiers for this skill.  Failure sets 
       the trap off automatically; and, if the thief CAN be affected 
       by it, he automatically is.
New Thief Abilities:
     MOVE UNSTOPPABLY:  As was mentioned earlier, every member of 
       this kit is large and overweight.  These thieves possess an 
       uncanny skill to barge through obstacles with little or no 
       harm to themselves.  This skill is usually invoked either (1) 
       while frantically making for the exit or (2) while mindlessly 
       trying to get hold of something interesting.  If used 
       successfully, intervening objects will be knocked over, 
       spilled, scattered, stomped on, jostled, or otherwise 
       disturbed in the most chaotic, noisy way possible.  There are 
       four basic types of obstacle this thief needs to worry about:
       (1) "Huh?  Did I hit something?"  A single chair.  A shorter 
         humanoid.  Something minor like that.  +10%.
       (2) "Oooff!"  A dining room set.  A few people gossiping in a 
         group.  A bunch or barrels.  A single much bigger humanoid.
         A short picket fence.  A thick hedge.  +/- 0%.
       (3) "Oww!"  A plaster wall.  A small group of militiamen.  A 
         big fence.  -20%.
       (4) "...."  A stone wall.  A bunch of nasty dudes bigger than 
         the thief.  A Blade Barrier spell.  The roll cannot succeed 
         unless the thief has funny magical stuff to allow it.
       The thief moves at full normal movement through the area for 
       up to a round or until the DM deems that he must stop or roll 
       again.  The path behind the thief is open for other party 
       members to use.  If the thief attempts to Move Unstoppably 
       through one or more armed entities, that's OK.  If he 
       succeeds, the victims must each save vs. DEX or fall to the 
       ground.  Even if they retain their footing, they attack and 
       defend at -2 for 1-6 segments.  If he fails, each of the 
       intended victims can attack the thief as he passes.
           STR SCORE:     MODIFIER:    RACE:      MODIFIER:
              15             0         Human         0
              16             0         Gnome         -20%
              17             +5%       Halfling      -25%
              18             +10%      Dwarf         -10%
              18/01-50       +15%
     THUMP:  Thieves of this kit do not get the "backstab" ability 
       per se.  Instead, they gain the ability to "thump" a surprised 
       opponent on the noggin.  The thief may use any proficient 
       blunt weapon.  If the victim is wearing armor, s/he is assumed 
       to be wearing a helmet unless there is some reason to think 
       otherwise.  A "thump" will be only a normal called shot to the 
       head if the opponent is not surprised.  Modifiers:
         Thief is 1 foot or more taller than victim:   +1 to hit
         Thief is 1 foot or more shorter than victim:  -1 to hit
         AC, helmet worn:  normal AC of opponent
         AC, no helmet:  AC = 8 (modified by magic but not DEX since 
           the opponent is by definition surprised)
         Plus all normal bonuses for attacking from behind, etc., if 
           applicable
       A successful hit does normal damage PLUS:
         At levels 1-4:   double this amount as temporary damage
         At levels 5-8:   x3 as temporary damage
         At levels 9-12:  x4 as temporary damage
         At levels 13+:   x5 as temporary damage
       This temporary damage wears off normally.  Note also that all 
       this damage goes to the head if you are using the optional 
       "stunned" and "useless" table from the Complete Fighter's 
       Handbook.
Thieving Skill Base Scores:
   SKILL:              BASE SCORE:
   Pick Pockets           25%
   Open Locks             15%
   Remove Traps           10%
   Move Unstoppably       10%
At level one the thief gets 40 discretionary points.  Every level 
thereafter he gets 20.  No ability may be raised above 95%.  

SPECIAL BENEFITS:  In order to live long enough to reach adulthood, 
all people as dorky as those in this kit have to have a sizeable 
stock of luck.  This may be handled in two ways.  
     (1) Every time the thief sets off some kind of disaster by using 
one of his 4 special skills (not thump) and would be imperiled in 
some way not previously mentioned, he can attempt a saving throw vs. 
breath weapon.  Success means that he avoids danger is some comical, 
near-miraculous way.
     (2) The other way is for the DM to decide when the PC/NPC has 
acted particularly true to his kit & that it would be good for 
morale/comedic relief/encouragement to allow the player a save as 
above to avoid danger.

SPECIAL HINDRANCES:  Duh, need one comment on this?  They are 
constantly blundering into dangerous situations and relying on the 
cleverness of friends.  They are slow and dimwitted, with all the 
disadvantages that normally accompany that failing.

RACES:  Most thieves in this kit are human, though other races are 
represented.  Elves may not participate in this kit.  Interestingly, 
NPC giants, trolls, and other large humanoid groups have few thieves 
NOT members of this kit.

